Feelings

Sometimes I just feel lost.. I am wandering around blind and aimlessly. I think I am making good decsions then it all seems like it is crumbling around me. I have my kids here and my step kids. I am trying ot treat them as I would my own but they just don't care. They treat me and my kids like we don't belong. I walked in the boys room the other day to hear my step son say to my son "this is my Dad's house he bought it and this playstation was bought for me and my sister" Well what the hell.... I wanted to grab that boy and spank his ass... where did the respect go??? My husband and I bought the house togather and while he might have put a down payment on the house the way it works with child support I bring in more money so hey it all works out and not matter what it is OUR home. This means mine my hubby's and all five kids equally. I corrected him nicely all the while wantting to scream at the top of my lungs. Plaese note that if I do something with my kids I do with all of them even if Dad is not coming along. He doesn't see it says I am seeing things that aren't there am I hearing them too. I even asked them if they treated their step father this way and they say no. I begged my husband to bring them here so we could all hang get to know each other .... it is so sad to say I will never ask again. I so looked forward to haveing them and now I have such mixed emotions I hate to take mine home and can't wait to see his leave.. I never wanted to be the mean step mom but no matter what i try they just are nasty to me if daddy isn't watching. Why are kids so hurtful. I have an 11 hour drive I am taking with the four we have here and I was excited about it now I sit everyday and wonder "how bad will it be" God PLEASE SHOW MW THE WAY

Needing a lift

I have so many things I need to do and just not getting them done. First and for most is loose some weight.... I know I know everyone says it. Well it has come to a medically needed issue. I have a blood clot and the pain in my leg just keeps getting worse. Can't go to the Dr for another 6 months if i want the insurance to pay anything toward it "love the insurance". I have read many articles and they say being over weight makes it worse and can eve ncause them "great". Well since 2005 I have gained 65 lbs stepped on the scale that was enough to make me crawl in a hole. I have to look at different and get on this. I hope next time i think to post I will have some success to type about. My kids are coming and we are having the recep for my wedding on July 11 lets hope no I will be 15 lbs lighter. We have a pool and we will be in it.

Life is too hard

Well I have not been on here in forever. Today is hard!!!! My sister e-mailed me that my Dad is not doing well. Then Mom called and she is a mess they told her that she should join a support group. Dad has many health problems and they can not find the couse of some of the latest ones. They told her that she should get a nurse to help her take care of him. She says not that she will take care of him. We are not ready for this. I am praying that God PLEASE HEAL MY DADDY. I know I am grown but I need him, he is miles away but knowing that he is there is so comforting. I have always been Daddy's little girl. I want him to stay with me forever he is my hero, the one I look up to, the strong one the one that was always there when something was wrong. GOD please let him know that I am forever Thankful for his shoulder I cried on so many times, the strength in his hand and reasurance in his voice threw all those hard times. Daddy was there with me threw things that I would have never made it threw without him ( almost loosing Aaron to SS services, all my childrens Birth, walking me down the eisle, my first husbands burn treatment at the trauma hospital) and so many more. God Please don't take him away. He is still young.